Decisions, Decisions

I really love how Rhonda & I parent together. For the most part, we have the same parenting goals, but there are times when we don't see eye to eye. That's normal. But the best part is that even when we don't agree, we can always easily come to some sort of a common ground. I've said this before and I'll say it again; we do not fight, we never raise our voices, yell, curse or say mean or rude things to each other. Ever. We built the foundation to our relationship this way almost 18 years ago and we've never swayed from it. It makes us feel good about who we've become, as a couple. We have learned to communicate in a way that most think is not normal or natural, but we feel the exact same thing when we hear people fighting, cursing and saying mean and harsh words to each other. I never want her to feel like I don't value her (which is usually what fighting leads to) and never want her to feel bad about herself. I never want to throw words at her that I know I've said out of anger, just to hurt her, and then expect her to forgive me later. And I know she feels the same about not wanting to hurt me.

So when we come to a road block in parenting, we can talk it out, each say our piece and choose to come to an agreement that is best for everyone involved. Often times it has to do with things outside the home and the way others "think" we should be raising our child; things they think are okay to do with our child, that we may not agree to. We often let the small things slide, but there are definite discussions about how we can stick to our rules when put in a tough situation.

I know so many parents who can't communicate and come to an agreement, especially when it comes to things that happen with their children while out of the home. They fight about it, don't come to an agreement and then trouble brews again when they are put in the same situation because it was never dealt with in the first place. It's very easy for others to assume that since they did certain things with their kids, that it's okay for them to do it with your kids. So how can couples find the common ground? My suggestion (and this is all it is) is to not fight about it. Just talk. Each give your own opinion and valid points and from there, decide what's best for you and your child(ren). Whatever your choice, you do not have to consider what the outside parties think. The opinions of others don't matter when it comes to your child's well being. I know that alone is hard for people to swallow and often couples will fight because the outside party is one of their family members. But in all honesty, whatever grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends think is their opinion. They don't have to live your everyday life. And if you say "midnight is too late for my 4 year old at his cousins sleepover" or "my 1 year old should not be eating chocolate at aunties house," then that's okay. You are the parent who gets to make those decisions.

Rhonda & I are okay with being the odd parents out when it comes to decision making with our daughter. We try very hard to accommodate everyone involved with Brielle, but at the end of the day, it's her well-being that really matters. If cousin Betty wants to sit on the floor with her and share a juicy peach, we are more than happy to let her enjoy. But if it's a chocolate bar, we'll put our foot down and make the right decision no matter what cousin Betty thinks. It's better if she indulges in healthier choices, rather than things that have no value in her life. She's just a baby.

Over the last couple of days, we've decided to wean Brielle off the bottle. She drinks well from a sippy cup but she is very attached to the bottle. So much so, that she causes a scene if she sees someone else with a bottle and she doesn't have one. So instead of worrying about what might happen and how she would react, we just made the decision that this is the way it's going to be, and to do it. That's how we roll. She still drinks 21 oz. of whole milk a day (4 bottles) and we don't want to drop that. She can't afford to lose any weight since she's still only 17 pounds. Our plan was to give her breakfast, lunch and supper bottles out of a sippy cup and then allow her to have the bottle before bed. We did it over the weekend, it went well and we won't be turning back. Decision making is easy if you just come up with a plan, stick to it and go on with life as normal. Whatever you do, don't worry about or anticipate your child's reaction. They easily feed off of the parents worries and fears.

Parenting is not an easy job, but we can choose to make it better for ourselves when we decide to live our lives and make our decisions for us and our children. If we worry about everyone else too much, we lose sight of the important things.