Paving The Way To A Young Girls Future

This post is part of YummyMummyClub.ca's support of the Dove® Unstoppable Moms for Unstoppable Girls Contest. I received compensation as a thank you for my participation. This post reflects my personal opinion about the information provided by the sponsors. Go to www.UnstoppableMoms.ca to enter by sharing how you inspire girls to reach their full potential.

 

I have been obese for almost all of my adult life and there have been way too many times to remember, where I have chosen to not do something because of my body, my weight and being self-conscious of my abilities in front of others. From the simplest thing as getting up in a crowded restaurant to walk to the restroom, to joining activities at family gatherings, to walking down the narrow isle on an airplane. My life has been consumed with body image issues to the point where I lost track of what was really important in life. The number one thing that I can do as a mother, for my daughter, is change the way I think about myself and not let my daughter hear me criticize myself or my body. She, like all girls, need to know that beauty and self-worth come in a variety of ways. It’s not about the size of your thighs or the cellulite on your butt. It’s about you! The real you! The fact that we are all made different and we are all worth much more than society tells us. My daughter will grow up knowing that her mother is who she is, loves the person she has become and in turn, I will teach her to love herself and her abilities. Positive thinking, a positive body image and the courage to face the world with her head held high, is what my daughter will learn from me. True beauty and respect come from within. It has nothing to do with physical appearance. Be strong, take a chance and enjoy everything life has to offer. I have a variety of things in my life that make me KNOW I’m a good role model. I am a lesbian. I live an open life with my wife. We have been together for 18 years and legally married for almost 3 years. Together, we live as the “average” family with the same goals, morals and standards as a regular couple. In 2012 my wife gave birth to our daughter Brielle Rain. In 2012 I also made the decision to have vertical sleeve surgery done and in 7 months, have lost 75 pounds. I definitely feel blessed with my life, my family and my journey towards a healthier me. I have so much to share and love to help others become the person or family they want to be.

My wife & I on vacation before the weight loss.

My journey has been a rocky one. I didn’t grow up in a stable home. The female figures in my life, including my mom, had self-worth and body image issues; therefore they were easily passed on to me. Back then, I was shy, not very outgoing and a lot of the family burden was put on me from a very young age. The result ended with my obesity. It’s not an excuse. It’s a fact. The pressure of life had caught up to me and I let it all go, simply because I knew no other way. I was afraid to do everything for fear of being judged and in all honesty, I think we’ve all been there at one point in time. We are not perfect, but that shouldn’t stop us from trying and living each day with no regrets.

My daughter & I after 75 pounds lost

Young girls should not worry about what they look like when they are walking in a crowd. I did. Young girls should not worry about how their body moves while playing sports. I did. Young girls should not worry about what their bodies look like long before maturity. I did. Therefore, these things stopped me from participating in so much of life. I rarely played sports, even in school. I avoided getting up and walking in front of a crowd alone. I kept to myself a lot and I hid all of my feelings.          

Brielle & I

As the mother of a baby girl, I have the opportunity to do things right; different from the way I was raised. The number one thing that I’ve done for myself, my daughter and ultimately, our future as a family, was to have weight loss surgery. Surgery is not an option for everyone, but it was the best option for me. So much has changed about the way I see my body and the way I treat it. Brielle will grow up with a more confident, active and healthy mom/role model. The way we treat our bodies, talk about our bodies and carry our bodies, can really impact a young girl. That’s why it’s important for me to treat me right! This baby girl is watching every move that mommy makes, so just seeing how confident and outgoing I’ve become, will give her confidence and teach her that she has the ability to do anything. I’ve gone from being afraid to get up by myself in a restaurant to wanting to go zip lining! For me, that’s a HUGE deal. There are very few limits in my world these days!

Rhonda & I on our wedding day.

On top of the pressures of poor body image, I had a huge secret; the fact that I was/am gay. The struggles of this secret added to my stress, which in turn added to my obesity. I finally came out to my family after I had been with my (then) partner for almost 10 years. As of today we’ve been together for 18 years and married for almost 3. I remember the exact moment when I came out. It felt like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders. By that point I wasn’t so much worried about what my family thought, but the stress of hiding was now gone. And since, I have lived a free, out, happy, normal life. We are not much different than the family next door. My wife has an awesome career, we own a house, have a truck payment, have a few pets, a great circle of family & friends who truly care and best of all, we have been given the gift of a daughter. I have everything in life that society told me I couldn’t have as a gay person. It just goes to show that whatever you want in life, you are able to achieve.

Our family.

Being a role model is important, no matter who you are; parent, step-parent, guardian, caregiver, friend. Children need to grow up in a positive environment and around confident adults, to really be given the opportunity to learn how to love themselves, be a positive role model in their community and get the most out of life. Creating a better future for my daughter is my number one goal. But along the way, I know I can be an inspiration to others. I have so many stories to share and so many experiences that have molded me into the person I am today. I really want everyone to know that life has so much to offer if you embrace who you are, both inside and out, and live your life with no regrets. This message is for all girls; to the girl with the braces, glasses, sitting alone at the back of the class, being bullied, too tall, too short, too thin, too overweight, up all night studying, feeling alone, crying in her room, pregnant, being abused, afraid to come out; whatever you are facing, you are not alone. There is always someone who is facing or has faced the same thing you are going through right now. And I am here to tell you that there is a wonderful future ahead if you simply ask for help, embrace the YOU that you were meant to be and start living life. Take some risks and try something new. I do it every day and it is worth it!

Are you an unstoppable mom? Share YOUR story about a time when you thought about quitting an activity you loved because of how you felt about your body and let them know how you think moms/role models can better support girls to participate in activities. You have until June 13, 2013 to enter. You could win $2,500 for yourself and $2,500 will be donated to help raise a girl’s self-esteem.

Check out more stories on YummyMummyClub.ca about amazing unstoppable moms:

http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/family/mummy/unstoppable-moms-for-unstoppable-girls