Living The Out Life, As A Family

"I know that I'm putting my family at risk. My wives and I could lose our jobs. Our children could be tormented at school. But I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of living like a second-class citizen. I'm tired of lying about my life. I have a wonderful family-a perfectly happy family-with beautiful wives and beautiful children. I don't want us to live the rest of our days in fear."

This quote is by polygamist Kody Brown from the controversial TLC TV show Sister Wives. I am currently reading a book written by himself and his wives entitled Becoming Sister Wives. A book that welcomes everyone into their lives, their world, their understanding, their love, their family and their way of living. Whenever I think of non-traditional families, I think of Rhonda & I. We are not your average family. We feel like it, but we know that we definitely stand out in a crowd and we definitely create conversation behind closed doors. What I love about Sister Wives is that they are breaking the stereotypical mold for their non-traditional family. The mold that society has created. Think of polygamy and you likely think of the luckiest guy on earth who can have as many wives as he wants, gets to move from bed to bed every night and lives the high life. This guys got is made, right? What a lucky man to be able to freely sleep around with four wives whenever he wants. Sadly, that's what society thinks. He is living the dream. Yet society also thinks he is living in sin. They laugh because they think only of the sex he must be getting and shun him because it's wrong to have so many wives. He's definitely going to hell. His wives are brain washed. He's in control of them. Their children are sheltered. This man is evil. Watch the show. Read the book. You'll definitely have a much better understand of their true lives.

This bothers me because I know the same is thought about us. Our families love us....absolutely no doubt! We have so many amazing friends that love us...absolutely no doubt! We are truly blessed. But we are put in the same category as Kody Brown & his family. On the outside people think about the sex...what happens behind closed doors. It's sad but we've heard it all too many times, even from the family and friends who love us. "It's nobody's business what happens behind your closed doors and in your bedroom." It makes me sad to think that's what people base our relationship on. And we are no doubt living in sin and going to hell. Thankfully since we've come out, quite a number of years ago now, our family and friends have had the chance to see that we are the average couple who want the best in life, for our lives, for ourselves, for our love, for our friendship, for our future and for our family. Not so different from you, or you, or you or Kody Brown. For those who know us well enough, they do get to see and share and experience the real relationship Rhonda & I have. Most would say it's very solid and in many ways, we are an example of what a wonderful marriage and relationship is all about. After 17 years, we've worked it out!

Religion is always a factor in every non-traditional situation. Kody couldn't have said it any better when he wrote: "Religion is by nature elitist. Everyone wants to believe that his way is the right way. Too many people, regardless of their faith, are small-minded enough to imagine that their beliefs, their doctrines, and their rituals are the only way to be saved or to know God. I'm not self-centered enough to entertain these thoughts. In no way do I imagine that my family members are the only people who got it right.

"God speaks to each of us in His own way. He calls a person in that person's language and reaches individuals in terms they will understand. What I'm called to do is not what you are called to do. I don't consider followers of another religion any less worthy in God's eyes or in mine. I don't believe that what's appropriate for one person is necessarily appropriate for all. The principle is my calling. It's probably not yours-and that's fine with me."

I shudder when I think about all of the "what-ifs" with bringing this amazing, beautiful, wonderful, loved baby girl into the world. A world that can be so cruel. Do I need to feel the way Kody feels? Are we putting our family at risk by being an out lesbian couple with a child? Thankfully in Canada our jobs are secure. We are very fortunate to be living in a country that has openly accepted gay marriage (relationship). But are our children going to be tormented in school? The thought of us going back into the closet and hiding our life is just not an option. It's not fair that we should have to lie about our life. We are a wonderful couple who will soon be turning into a wonderful set of parents with an amazing and happy little family. We too don't want to live the rest of our days in fear.

While I shudder at those thoughts, I also rejoice in these; that we will be raising open-minded, caring, compassionate children with amazing morals, standards and beliefs. We will teach them that our way is not the only right way. That every walk of life, race, religion, person, animal, being in this world deserves the utmost understanding and respect. If we want that in our life, we have to be willing to give it to others. Love belongs everywhere. Friendship belongs with everyone. And love lives in every families way of life.

Do I believe in polygamy? It doesn't matter. Do I believe the Browns are raising a loving family. Absolutely. We share so many of the same values that polygamy, gay, straight, black, white, up-side-down, inside-out doesn't matter one bit.

I want to thank the Brown family for bringing insight into the non-traditional family life. In some way, big or small, it helps bring acceptance to my family.

Note: I would just like to note that Kody Brown & his wives Meri, Janelle, Christine & Robyn do not follow the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints run by leader Warren Jeffs, who has been found guilty of child sexual assault and is serving life in prison. They do not endorse incest, spousal abuse, child marriages, nor do they dress modestly with old fashioned hairstyles and have home schooled children. They are very normal, like you or I, and raise their children just like the average family does.