The Face of Depression

This is the face of depression.

This is the face of anxiety.

This is the face of healing.

On December 24, 2015 I finally hit a point in my life where I was ready to accept and to move forward with treatment. The only person who knew how bad it was, was my wife. My patient wife. You see, depression and anxiety are not always noticeable to family and friends; outsiders. Depression and anxiety are almost often hidden with a smile, a laugh and a trip to the bathroom to finally catch a real breath when it all becomes too much in a social setting.

On December 24, 2015 I started my lifetime healing with medication by my side. Something I had fought against for 42 years. I had it in my head that I could do without medication and I would be fine, but things had become so bad that I was creeping back towards the old thoughts of how this world would be a better place without me in it. I knew that wasn't true, but then again, did I?

Not only was I battling depression, but my anxiety was taking me on a huge roller coaster ride. The shortness of breath, racing heartbeat, not wanting to go out in public, avoiding social settings and even points where I become light headed and would almost black out, had become just too much to handle. It wasn't uncommon for me to have to retreat to a quiet place just to be able to breathe.....actually take a real breath, and cry. Tears that had to run until they were just done. Sometimes it took a while to collect myself while other times it seemed I could get there more quickly. Depression is beyond hard to live with, but for me personally, the anxiety felt worse. Taking care of myself felt like an impossible daily task, let alone a 3 year old, wife, house full of pets and then there was the building of The Urban Farmhouse, which had just begun. Life seemed too hard to live, yet I had everything to live for.

After only a few weeks on medication, I felt a change. It was refreshing and gave me hope. Gave my wife hope. We were thrilled and my doctor was the absolute best to follow my journey very closely. Together we were getting me through this. It felt like the giant hand that was squeezing the life out of me, was slowly releasing it's grip, as the days went on. After only a few months on medication, I felt a dramatic change. I was far from where I needed to be, but after feeling the grip of death, the newness of life was an absolute blessing.

There have been some huge eye openers for me within this past year. I now realise that some of my medical issues from my childhood were actually early signs of depression and anxiety. At one point in my young life, I couldn't sleep without waking up every night because I literally couldn't breathe. It was as if someone had their hand over my face to smother me. This went on for years and doctors diagnosed me with asthma, yet I know now that it was anxiety. I personally believe that if people weren't so afraid and ashamed of depression and anxiety, that more people would step forward and get help.

I am beyond thankful and blessed to have such amazing support in my life. I have accepted that being on medication for depression and anxiety for the rest of my life, is okay. It's more than okay and I'm no longer ashamed. Having depression and anxiety does not mean you are crazy or weak. If you have anyone in your life tell you those things, then they need to learn about your legitimate medical condition. They need to throw away all of the stigmas they have in their head, open their heart and mind and learn the real facts about depression and anxiety. Especially if they love you. And if you have someone in your life suffering from depression and anxiety, and you want to know the best thing to do for them? Offer your acceptance and support.

A year ago at Christmas, I was a complete mess. I had to remove myself from everyone to completely melt down. This year at Christmas, I enjoyed the chaos of it all. #majorwin

If you need help, please talk to someone.